Oh where, oh where have my boundaries gone?

 You know how as an infertile woman there is practically no one to talk to about what you’re going through?  Very few people want to know the details, or even the abstractions,  of the experience.  There is lots of “chin up” advice  floating around, and proclamations about how lucky you are because you get to sleep in.  At least, (apart from my gorgeous sister) that’s how I’ve experienced other people’s reactions with regard to infertitlity.   As such, my boundaries around this topic have firmed up considerably over the years.  I am very careful about whom I speak to about the emotional and physical journey of infertility.

I was therefore stunned when I found myself opening up to a lady at my local tea shop yesterday.  To contextualise this properly I should mention that I make tea cosy’s for the shop to sell.  They have been most kind and do not even take a commission on them.  I also buy fine tea from them on a regualar basis,  (because it is one of my favourite indulgences) and we have had a couple of friendly chats over the past six months.    So; we are friendly but not intimate aquaintances.

All it took was what I took to be a genuinely sympathetic look when I mentioned that we “sadly” didn’t have kids,  for me to regale her with the trials of IVF.   It helped that she mentioned that her SIL  had IVF and she seemed to know what she was talking about with regard to ovary stimulation and the steadily diminshing number of viable eggs that occurs after that first folicle number you are given.     But still…this is not like me.  I shocked myself and now feel terribly embarrassed. 

 It was just such a relief to be able to tell someone and for them to respond sympathetically.


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