Our House

Last night I had a really, really bad sleep. Despite a sleeping pill ( a herbal one, don’t worry), I didn’t sleep much.  My tired old brain just kept on running around the problem circuit.  My sister just recently got engaged.  They plan to get married next year and I’m wondering if it is just too much to expect that she will still want to be my donor egg person this year.  I think if I asked her right now she would say yes, but in 6 months time when she’s preoccupied by the wedding? 

I’m also wondering if it’s even fair to ask this of her in her engagement year.  After all, I love her very much and want this year to be a special one for her.  She’s had a rough time in the past and deserves a huge helping of joy and attention.  Do I have the right to ask this of her at this time in her life? Last year she knew we might be planning to do a donor egg cycle this year.  But I suspect her engagement might change things just a little.  She is 12 years younger than me and used to call me “Mum” when she was little because I was highly involved in her care.  I love her so much and really want her to experience this time as her “own”.    But I’m turning 40 this year, and unfortunately every year counts.

Today DH and I went for a swim.  It’s near the end of the season.  Each swim could be our last for the year so we are paying particular attention to the beauty of the sea whenever we step into the waves.  Today there were tiny sand coloured fish that swam around my toes.  My fingertips were crinkly by the time we stepped out of the cool water.  We lay on the beach soaking up the late afternoon sun.  All was perfect until a family a few feet away from us started talking loudly abount the mundane aspects of their lives with kids.  Was it loud, or did it just feel like they had a megaphone hanging from their lips?

We returned to our house, washed our feet and climbed the stairs to the balcony.  DH looked up the side and started talking about home extensions: a second story, a studio downstairs for me with an attached room in which children could play……if we had them…or if we had one.

Our house is small.  One lounge/dining, a kitchen nook, one bathroom and 3 small bedrooms.  Room enough for 2…or maybe 3.

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One Response to “Our House”

  1. jodie38 Says:

    Oh, I’d ask her. But I’d be as prepared as I could be for her to decide either way. Like you said, every year counts. And if you’re anything like me, I can beat myself up forever after about things I wish I’d done. I’m haunted by the prospect of looking back with regret that I didn’t do everything I could. But it’s a complex issue – so many factors can come into play with her decision. Or….maybe not. It may be absolutely black and white for her, and you’re worrying for nothing.

    Only one way to find out!

    Just my .02, for what it’s worth…. 🙂

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