My mind is full of….

Last year sometime I applied for a writing course; partly becasue I thought I might like it and partly because I thought that I might need something to take my mind off the IVF process and the resulting emotional turmoil.  Turns out I was correct on both counts…and it’s worked!   I started the course last week and since then I’ve been overwhelmed with pressing thoughts about character, how the hell to get the work done on time, why I feel so strange in group (probably because I haven’t been in them for sometime), and whether or not this is something I would actually be able to do in my life.

Nary a thought about a baby or how “infertile” I am.  Now…I know dramtically it would work better if I had an “until….” here.  But I don’t.  I’ve been incredibly stressed about something other than infertility.  Is this helping my infertility?  Probably not.  Is it helping my sanity?  Not too sure about that.  Is it providing me with another creative outlet and making me feel like there could be a place for me in the world?  Well, there’s a definite hope there.  And in dealing with infertility I’m clutching on to any amount of hope in any corner of my life.

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One Response to “My mind is full of….”

  1. eve Says:

    Hi Cat,

    It is really good to find something to occupy your mind while you are going though IVF.

    Though I did not need IVF myself, I did have fertility problems…my solution was to start writing a novel…which now over the years I am learning to edit!

    I too am doing a writers course, I need all the help I can get.

    As for your heart…it hurts to be going through such a tough time… I will pray for you, perhaps you should consider doing this too. I would add when I started to pray, I was desperate yet over the years, four in my case to conceive I found a peace that made no sense. Much later I became a Christian.
    Jesus loves you, even if you are not sure that he is real.

    Eve UK

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