So I’m sitting in the Doctor’s Surgery…

So,  I’m sitting in the Doctor’s surgery while he’s telling me that the only option is donor eggs.  I tell him that we haven’t decided yet and he replies that we’d better make up our minds soon as the donor is coming in next week.  I am frustrated and say we need to talk to someone about it. I say that it has huge implications.  I repeat that I am not ready yet.  He suggests we go and sit in on a meeting that one of the nurses is running, right now.  We bustle out and walk along the hospital corridoors until we reach a huge courtyard filled with mothers and their babies.  They are clustered around a speaker – the nurse.  As we push through the crowd I notice that the babies heads are covered in cling wrap.  There is a chatty humming sound but no crying.  The nurse welcomes everyone and begins to speak about post natal care.  I raise my hand and state that we have been sent here to talk about donor eggs.  Heads turn. The nurse falters.  “Oh…well, we’re not talking about that here”, she clips.  She asks another nurse to to lead us away  from the group to talk to us privately.  The new nurse rises.  She is flustered but motions us out of the room. 

I would have loved to know what the new nurse said but the alarm went off and woke me up.  I have found myself to be pretty disdurbed by this dream.  We are indeed waiting for the doctor’s appointment in which, we predict, he will tell us that the next step is donor eggs.  After all, that is what the nurses have indicated.  The nurses were ready  to move onto that track after the last IVF round.  When we weren’t immediately compliant they suggested the forthcoming appointment. 

Although the care has been really good I don’t think that the IVF staff really appreciate what a truly big deal using donor eggs is.  Or, what a big deal it is for me.  That it seems a bit frankenstein-ish.  That I don’t want to be in contact with the donor mother and send off pictures of my child to her on birthdays and Christmases, to remind myself that the child isn’t “really” mine.  And, that if we use a donor egg from my sister, which is our preferred option at present, that too is just plain weird.  It means my Sister and My husband have created a child together.  She will be connected to him in a way I never can be.  Just plain freaky to me.  But to the IVF staff…an everyday occurance!   Well, perhaps not everyday…we are getting the message that we are not responding to IVF in the usual way. 

We’re freaks!


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One Response to “So I’m sitting in the Doctor’s Surgery…”

  1. diane Says:

    I just came upon your blog. I too was recently told that I should use donor eggs. Im not sure what i will do but i will take all the time i need to make the decision you should too. Good Luck

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